Scones!

I wasn’t going to break my own rule of 2 non-condiments per recipe, but didn’t really have a choice after bouncing the scone concept off my mom. That pensive “is she serious“-flavored silence on the other end of the phone told me that this is an awesome idea, especially since it’s almost impossible to render her speechless with my nincompoopery anymore. By the way, I’d like to publicly thank mom for the shiny new spatula. Mine was a decade old dollar store find that had melted into a very unspatula-like shape long ago.

On to the scones! This idea came from Oh My! Sugar High, one of my new favorite blogs. As with all of my recipes, conversions were made, ingredients adapted, and so on, though credit for inspiration is still warranted. Because really, scones are the last thing I’d ever think to make. To be honest I never really liked scones. They always seemed a little too sophisticated for my MSG-laden palate, possibly because of the way mom would say “scones” in an East Anglian accent while looking down her nose and giving her hair a shake.  Why? Who knows. It wasn’t the most damaging thing in the world, unlike her solution to disciplining my sister and I in public when we were kids. She’d never beat us for acting like obnoxious dumbasses, but would  instead demurely beckon us over and place a hand on our shoulders (like in a family photo) just close enough to the neck to give a gentle squeeze on the pressure point that made us speak in tongues on the inside. In retrospect, it was a great solution despite my resulting habit of awkwardly baring my teeth, introducing my eyebrows to my hairline, and  shoving my shoulders into my ears whenever a suitor tries to initiate a massage. Even the lightest touch feels like a Vulcan pinch.  Who knows where she learned the move. Anyhoo, my mom rocks and I’m grateful for the unconditional support she’s shown for this project. Mom, thanks for standing by me and not beating us in public even when it was warranted. This recipe is dedicated to you.

TL;DR: scones make me think about the absence of public beatings in my childhood. Have fun with that one, Dr. K.

Touching back on the 2 non-condiment ingredient thing… it was kind of silly to limit myself like that to begin with. There is a pretty finite list of general ingredients that everyone should have in their kitchen, especially if they plan to bake. I’ll post it later.

These take no more than half an hour, so there’s really  no excuse not to be an awesome host/ess on Sunday morning when your friends peel themselves off of your floor.

Scones

Prep time: 10-15 minutes  Cook time: 15-20 minutes

Ingredients

  • 2 cups flour
  • 30 packets (10 teaspoons) sugar
  • 24 packets (1/2 cup) powdered sugar (made by running regular sugar through a blender for about a minute)
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 packet (1/2 teaspoon) salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 27 pats (1/3 cup) room temperature butter or margarine (a little more if you’re using an aerated “buttery spread”)
  • 5  tubs (1/4 cup) plain half and half (the dairy kind, not non-dairy. Sorry, lactards.)
  • 1 egg

For each type of scone, you’ll need to add the following per batch:

  • Pumpkin spice (very subtle flavor, relies mostly on the glaze)- 2-4 tablespoons of grated pumpkin (mostly for color), 9 tubs (1/2 cup) Pumpkin Pie Spice creamer (1/4 cup for dough and 1/4 cup for glaze). Pumpkins are obtainable through the fall, and creamer can be found at coffee bars at most convenience stores.
  • Lemon (subtle yet tasty)- 1 teaspoon of grated lemon peel (optional), 12 packets (1/2 cup) lemon juice (1/4 cup for dough and 1/4 cup for glaze). Save the lemons from water at restaurants and grate the peels on a cheese grater. Lemon juice packets are available at some restaurants and delis. You can also ask for fresh lemon wedges with your water and just pocket them for both juice and peel.
  • Orange Cranberry (frickin’ delicious) – 2 tablespoons of grated orange peel, 1/2 cup orange juice (1/4 cup for dough and 1/4 cup for glaze), 1 cup of dried cranberries. Or “jerk scones” as I call them, because you have to be a total jerk to get dried cranberries for free… unless you can think of a way to obtain them without stealing somebody’s home-made holiday garland. You’re on your own with the orange.
  • You get the idea. A little grated whatever, 1/2 cup of flavor. Go nuts.

Supplies

  • Medium bowl
  • Small bowl
  • Non-stick baking sheet

In the medium bowl mix flour, 7 teaspoons sugar, grated fruit/pumpkin/nuts/cranberries/whatever, baking powder, salt, and baking soda.

Add a few pats of butter at a time and mix until the dry ingredients form into coarse crumbs.

In the small bowl, combine 1/4 cup of the flavored liquid (your choice from the bottom of the ingredient list), half&half, and egg.

Add the contents of the small bowl to the larger one and stir until dough forms. It starts out sticky, but will firm up after a few minutes. If it still sticks to everything after a couple of minutes, mix in 2 more tablespoons of flour..

Knead  on a floured surface and gently smoosh the dough into an 8″ wide/1-1/2″ thick circle. Cut into wedges as large or small as you’d like.

Place  the wedges on an ungreased baking sheet. Sprinkle with remaining 3 teaspoons of sugar.

Bake at 400° for 15-20 minutes depending on how toasted you like them. If you like them very soft, stab one with a toothpick at around 12 minutes; when the toothpick comes out clean, they’re done. Take the tray out of the oven and let the scones cool.

Go in for the kill by drizzling a glaze over the cooled scones.

Glaze: Combine 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar and 1/4 cup of the flavored liquid. Yep, this glaze recipe tastes just like the stuff that comes with toaster strudel and the icing packets from Burger King, only without the crap that will keep you from decomposing post mortem.

Top ’em off with a pat of  butter, sit back, and wallow in the onslaught of compliments.

I’m adding this one to the arsenal of delicious things to woo reluctant people with, and by that I mean trappin’ me a Bear Jew.



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