The taste of buffalo sauce makes me think of a more innocent time; a time where my ex-bestie and I would perch ourselves on bar stools that were way too small for our leather-clad butts, sip cheap beer, and suck the meat off of chicken wings in a way that would make Jenna Jameson blush.
There was a point where my body could tolerate regular assaults of bar food, and that point is now a dot on the horizon. Of equal importance is the sense of financial responsibility that seems to plague many adults. Happy hour or utility bill? Awesome tchotchke or toilet paper? MMO subscription or groceries? This project’s existence should tell you where I stand on that last one. Reluctantly abstaining from heavenly piles of buffalo wings and germ-laden glassware at bars, I was forced to come up with something dirt cheap to satiate my physiological need for buffalo sauce. What I came up with is just as tasty as wings, and vegetarian-friendly to boot.
A lot of the recipes I’ve been working on involve deconstructing food in a way that identifies the purpose of each ingredient and figuring out what it could be interchangeable with. For example: milk in french toast. Was it the natural fat content that made it work? Turns out the answer is “no”, it was just the wetness. Therefore, flavored creamer worked great. The chicken in buffalo wings is but a mere vessel for the sauce, which negates most if not all of the chicken flavor. So what do we need here? Something cheap that requires a couple of chews and can absorb the sauce. Are you thinking potato? I thought potato. Buffalo fries are born.
My first try was on julienne fries, but they weren’t quite what I wanted. I tried cubed potatoes (not finger-foody enough), and finally steak fries (aka potato wedges). Replacing chicken with potato reminds me of the Tofurkey that the vegetarian members of my family had every Thanksgiving. I imagine that not eating meat for a long time will leave a person confused as to what meat is supposed to taste/feel like.
By the way, I would like to reiterate that McF-yuck’s is the devil; I almost went crazy McNugget lady on the chick at the window because she wouldn’t give me any buffalo sauce and had a shitty (minimum wage on a graveyard shift) attitude. Eventually she sold me a single tub for 25 cents, but only after invoking the wrath of my inner turbo-JAP. Burger King is a superior choice by far, as they gave me 6 tubs without thinking twice.
Buffalo Fries (makes 1 serving)
1 medium or large potato
1 tub of buffalo sauce
1/2 packet of salt
1 tub ranch dressing (for dipping glory!)
- Wash or peel the potato and cut it into wedges (cut in half lenghthwise, then into thirds, etc.)
- Soak the wedges in cold water for a few minutes. I hear it makes the fries more crisp, but haven’t tried it without this step.
- In a bowl, toss the wedges in buffalo sauce until they are thoroughly coated
- Place wedges on a cookie sheet and lightly sprinkle with salt
- Bake for about 30 minutes at 425 degrees until golden brown
My camera is still broken, so here’s another stock photo. You’re welcome.