Apples & Honey

Happy 5771 to all my tribesfolk! It’s one of several annual opportunities for me to show the world what a bad Jew looks like. Not only am I skipping services again this year, I have let my Jdate subscription expire as well. Maybe Patti Stanger takes surly 7-8s as pro bono cases for tax purposes… but I digress. In all fairness, being non-observant is kind of a pre-determined path for the daughter of a rabbi.

The Jewish new year is a time for sitting in long, mind-numbing services with antsy children, eating head meats (true story! It’s supposed to symbolize the “head of the new year”), and putting honey on pretty much everything. Sound like a good time? See your local recruiting officer. Though I am non-observant and dislike talking about religion (be it my own or anyone else’s), I feel obligated to acknowledge the cultural legacy that is at play. I’m a first generation American, the granddaughter of holocaust survivors, and the descendant of many bearded men in funny hats. A lot of people went through unspeakable hardships for me to be able to sit in my pajamas on a weekday and babble about scavenging non-perishable foods to the denizens of the internet.  For this I am grateful and make an effort to participate in non-intrusive, private/family related, and (ideally) edible traditions.

Honey (available in packets… yay!) is a biblical and historical symbol of good living and prosperity (as in “the land of milk and honey”). To make sure that sentiment permeates the traditional Rosh Hashanna dinner, we add it to our challah, use it in our meat/vegetable dishes, and most famously serve it with apples. Yeah, using an entry for something as basic as apples & honey is kinda limp, I don’t have a whole lot of time to screw around in the kitchen this week and the holiday happens to be tomorrow. In fact, I have SO little time to set accidental fires and screw up idiot-proof recipes today that I’m not even going out to buy apples to photograph. You get a stock photo. You’re welcome.

Apples & Honey (serves 1-2)

1 packet lemon juice

1 apple

2-3 packets of honey

  • Cut the apple into sections and get rid of the core
  • Coat the slices with lemon juice if you don’t plan on eating them right away. This will keep them from turning brown
  • Drizzle honey onto the apple slices or empty the packets into a ramekin/bowl for dipping
  • Wallow in the deliciousness and think about how good you have it, no matter how crappy your current situation is
  • Optional: get fancy with an apple bird or apple butterfly

It’s an easy recipe that can make a bad Jew feel good, and everyone else feel less hungry and a little more cultured.

L’shana tovah y’all.

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