She’s doing WHAT?!

Maybe the ability to burn water is an omen for things to come, and maybe someone who doesn’t own an oven mitt shouldn’t be doling out recipes to the public. But hey, we live in the age of possibility, right?

I was lucky enough to grow up in a house where dinner was cooked almost every night. Beige foods were minimal and veggies were abundant. Because of this privilege, I never learned to cook. That’s my story anyway… the actual root of my culinary spaziness is likely a mix of ADD and ennui. Though my talents lie elsewhere, a girl still needs to eat… and that girl’s mother ain’t gonna cook for her.

The way I see it, my gastronomic ineptitude is a good thing here. Just think… every recipe has been tested by someone (or several someones) who feel as home in the kitchen as a priest in a whorehouse. What does this mean to you?  It means that the recipes here (and hopefully in the book that’s due in November) are idiot-poof, won’t piss off your digestive system, and actually taste pretty good.

You might be wondering “Why condiment packets? Can’t you afford an effing bottle of ketchup?” Technically, yes… but there are a lot of people who can’t, won’t, or just don’t feel like it. Regarding the former, I hear stories about “condiment soup” as sustenance which not only breaks my heart, but makes me throw up in my mouth a little as well.  Even worse is ketchup soup, which I will show you how to turn into a luxurious (but equally nutritious) tomato bisque in a later post.  Got bread and water? You’ve got toast points and tea. That’s just how I roll.

So who are these recipes for? Everyone. If your household budget is tight, your dorm room mini-fridge is light on content, the parents are coming to see just how “fine” you’re doing and expect to be fed (ack!), free packets are all you can afford, or any one of infinite other scenarios… these recipes are for you.

To keep things consistent and simple, I’m laying down some ground rules for the recipes.

  • Ingredients that are not available in packets must be  cheap, widely available,  and versatile.  (flour, eggs, etc. )
  • There should be no more than two non-condiment ingredients per recipe.
  • That’s pretty much it.

Let the games begin!